Here's your hat, what's your hurry?

It’s going to be a loooong weekend.

Or so I thought…when the gentleman initially advised that he would in fact be taking a trip out of town this weekend to hang out with his “bro-friend” for a few days.

Well…let me be clear…they’re not just “hanging out”, rather they are reuniting for one more rendition of the Blues Brothers. (Eye roll, heavy sigh, Dear God make it stop.) For whatever reason these two are perpetually stuck in their college days and the novelty that recreating this duo brings to large crowds. These days, said crowds are generally composed of men over the age of 65, red-faced drunk on bourbon. Good times. But I digress…the concern here is not the goings on of the gentleman during his bro-mantic weekend. My gut reaction, though, was admittedly “If you think you’re gonna leave me here with three kids so you can dance around with God-blessed sunglasses on all damn weekend while intermittently giggling with your boyfriend like a 7 year old girl, you’ve got another thing comin’!”

But then it occurred to me…

GOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please. Go.

With the gentleman out of the picture this weekend I may actually have an opportunity to partake in a myriad of activities for which I never have time. Yes I’ll have the children but let’s be honest…we women can multitask like nobody’s business….I’m solid. I’ve got this. When I think about my daily schedule, though, it amazes me how much of my time is spent on activities that are beneficial to him and not necessarily what I would choose to do. SO…with that said…and with my fellow Hoosier and Ball State grad in mind, I present:

TOP TEN Man-Free Free-Passes

#10 – Couch sleeping:

I LOVE to sleep on our couches! They are extra long, super soft and are conveniently placed in front of our living room television. Falling asleep on the couch at night and crawling upstairs at 2am or so is a rarity simply because I prefer to avoid the whole “were you upset with me last night” standard that perpetually follows such a stunt. I just don’t do it unless one of us is a contagion carrier or physically incapable of climbing stairs (know that was one of the aspects of foot surgery recovery I DID enjoy. “I’ll just sleep down here, hon…I don’t think I can bear to climb those steps right now. I know…I can’t wait to sleep up there again too!”)

#9 – WWF:

Words. With. Friends. I don’t know what to say other than right behind Facebook, WWF is a pretty significant addiction these days. I won’t lie…I’m no Alec Baldwin but I’m pretty damn good at it. BUT…I get the stank eye from him every time my phone vibrates. He knows what that means. “But I have ‘Q’ AND a ‘U’ this time…and I’m not afraid to use it!!” No matter…more than 10-15 minutes played on my phone and I’m just short of having it yanked from my hands.

#8 – Read:

I started a book (“The Hunger Games”) back in, oh….November?? And I’m still only halfway through it. Every time I pick it up I hear “so….you’re just gonna read tonight?” (Sigh…hang head) “Nope, battery in the Kindle is about to die anyway.” I HAVE to read this book though. There is a MOVIE coming out next month and if I start to see extended previews before I finish this freakin’ book I’m gonna flip out. I don’t DO movies before books…even IF the book is mediocre at best. I still make it a concerted effort.

#7 – Snuggle:

I abso-freakin-lutely LOVE snuggling, particularly with my 5 year old. The other two are getting to be almost as big as me which complicate the mechanics of snuggling. But Ben…he is my little brown bear who literally just melts in my arms. The problem? Every time we snuggle I get an earful from the gentleman about how I treat him like a baby…that he is a big boy now…and so on. (Secretly he’s jealous.) Blah. Blah. Blah. I’m getting’ my snuggle on!

#6 – Have a “headache”:

I don’t really need to explain this one do I, ladies? I just. Don’t. Feel like it. Instead of saying so, there is the ever-pervading “headache”. Not all the time…I’m not cruel or a complete prude. There just seems to be a lot of pressure on the weekends to make up for lost time through our exhausting early-to-bed weekdays.

#5- DEE-VEE-ARE:

It’s MINE, baby!!! Do you know how much smut-TV I’ve NOT been able to watch in the last several months?? I have a ridiculous number hours of criminal drama, and Housewives saved on that damn thing just sitting there collecting dust, awaiting my children’s bedtime and my ass on the couch. (The comfy one I plan to sleep on!) I actually MISS Kim Kardashian’s train-wreck ass! All of the Star Wars Clone Wars, America’s Game, Daily Show, etc are viewed regularly as my sad shows glare longingly at me from the menu. Someday I’ll get to them. Saturday…is THAT day.

#4 – Kashi:

Every week I make a point to plan a menu, buy groceries accordingly and spend time on my feet making a nice meal daily for this family. Don’t get me wrong…I truly do enjoy cooking. It is oftentimes a great stress reliever and a good reason to open that bottle of red that has been sitting on the buffet for a week or so. (Like I need a reason….and like it really lasts a week. Please.) Some days…I just don’t want to cook. I feel as though I’m disappointing and being handed an “exception” on days when I make a fuss about the avoidance of dinner prep. Sometimes…I just want cereal, which would never meet argument from the kids. They love that shit! Maybe that takes “brinner” to a whole new lazy level…so be it. Doin’ it.

#3 – PEDI-time:

My poor feet have been waiting patiently for me to take the time to dress them up a bit. Foot surgery a month ago has left these sad healing feet untouched and in desperate need of TLC and I simply never pamper myself. With less time spent in the kitchen this weekend, less time treating my um “headaches” and increased idle time in front of my fabulous trash TV, I’ll have PLENTY of time to do a little scrubbing, lotioning and polishing! I’ll be ready for flip-flop weather in NO time. Now where is my OPI?

#2 – Threesome:

It’s a fact…I’m an admitted early-bird and I’m not afraid to share that. I hate sleeping in, unless I’m sick and medicated so heavily I can’t see the clock. Otherwise I pride myself in being the first one up in this house. Since evenings are usually owned by the gentleman, the mornings are my only opportunity to be intimate with the coffee maker AND remote control at the same time. There is nothing better than a quiet Saturday morning…just me, couch, blankey, monstrous cup o’ java and the morning news. On those very rare occasions, however, when the kids are occupied in the AM and the gentleman wakes fairly early as well, I feel bad darting out of the room to win the gold medal in the living room dash. THIS weekend I can save my running for the treadmill. It’s mine.

And the #1 Man-Free Free-Pass to be enjoyed this weekend…

Vampires:

I have a sister who is bound and determined to convince me that beneath my dude-esque tendencies (my love all things football, beer and wings) I actually AM a chick-flick lover at heart just waiting to be awakened by some sparkly vampires and shirtless werewolves. Sigh. I have spent the last several years making fun of her for the time spent in the “young adult” section of the bookstore. But…I love her. And I know how important my acceptance of all things Edward versus “whats-his-abs” is to her. So…we are planning a girl’s night! Her three kids and my three kids will single-handedly deconstruct the top two floors of my house while she and I lounge teary-eyed with pizza sauce on our faces and wine drops on our shirts. Because I love her.

So there you have it…my laundry list of testosterone-free “to do’s” to be enjoyed over the next three days…a few hours of early morning and late evening bliss to be temporarily cherished. By late Saturday night, however, I’ll miss him. We're not apart often but when we are we do try to make the most of it and in doing so are reminded of everything we appreciate in each other. Funny how that happens. I'm sure by the time he is home I will be ready to make one of his favorite family Sunday dinners, hand over the remote or heck, maybe even turn OFF the TV (wink, wink).