Thursday, August 29, 2013

A Lesson in Emotional Masonry

This morning as the kids were scrambling to get ready for school...

Me:  Hey kiddo, are you about ready to go?  You’re not going to be late for school again today. 

Lib:  Sure…just about.  Oh, and Mom…I just want to let you know so you can stop asking about Eric*.  We broke up.   But it’s okay because it was mutual.  I mean…it makes sense. 

Me:  Uh…are you okay?  Who initiated it? 

Lib:  He did.  Through a text message.  So…yeah.  I mean…that was crappy and stuff.  But…yeah.  I’m good.   Totally good.

I saw in her face behind her smile that she was not, in fact, good.   But dammit that 11 year old girl is me.  Through and through.  Her eyes began to water and turn a rosey shade of “this sucks so bad”.   But she continued to smile as I stuttered through what I thought she should hear. 
And what is that, exactly?  What do you say to your sweet girl who just got dumped by her very first boyfriend?

I’ll tell you what my instinct told me to say…

“Honey, boys are stupid…except your dad and brothers of course.” 

“You don’t need him…his loss.”

“He’s obviously too chicken to talk to you face to face…better you know what he’s made of now.”

“Asshole.”

Ah yes…all of the accoutrement that goes with the emotional masonry lesson I so want to teach my daughter.  “Here’s your first spade, and your first brick…build carefully.”  But I can’t.  God, I can’t build her up by teaching her how to harden herself.  How to build those walls tightly around her heart.   While I have made brick-laying an art-form, do I really want that for her? 
Has it always been satisfying for me in relationships past to smile, nod, agree and wish the boys well when they suggest we need time apart? 

Absofreakinlutely.

Even if I cried myself to oblivion in the private comfort of my bedroom, those boys never got the satisfaction of knowing they had the upper hand or were in complete control of the relationship.  In fact my reaction, or lack thereof, always seemed to shake them a bit.  I liked that.  And as they walked away I quickly slap down that next layer, or ten, of brick and mortar.

While I want to protect my daughter from hurt, I don’t want to prevent her from feeling love.  I mean real true deep love.  Can you ever really experience that if you’re only peering at the boy over the fortress you’ve built around you?  I realize she’s young…but dammit right now I’m laying the foundation for her.  How to navigate through relationships and break-ups.   I’m teaching her how to feel about it.  How to respond.  Do I want her upset?  Hell no.  But she has a right to feel emotional about it.  I can’t brush that off and expect her to be tough as steel.  She shouldn’t be.  I want her to let boys in.  Because they AREN’T all bad.  In fact some are quite wonderful.   And nurturing.  And careful.  And I want her to experience THAT.  She deserves to feel swept off of her feet.  And the boys she may encounter (waaaay down the road)…the good boys…deserve to be loved fully and freely by her. 
Yes she will encounter some d-bags-in-training along the way and have to experience a few heartaches in the meantime.  It’s my job to be her soft place to land.  And help her steady herself and focus on the good in her life.  Take the spade and brick from her hand.  And the next time she experiences this kind of hurt…my job…is to embrace her and say:

“I love you, my sweet girl.  It’s okay to cry.  And I’m so sorry.”
 
 
* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Italian Beef. You're Welcome.


So here I am...doing what I've said I should do for the last year.  Use my blog for evil rather than good...it's MUCH more fun this way!   If you're new to BlissDis, I typically write about my family and our journey through the world of Autism with my youngest child's diagnosis.  It ain't been easy, to say the least.  And while writing about those struggles (and SOMEtimes successes) can be extremely therapeutic, it sure is a breath of fresh air to write about something OTHER than feeling like I suck at mommy-hood. 

This cooking thing?  THIS I can do! 

Let me just say that I'm thrilled to kick this off with one of my favorite and simplest dishes to make.  It truly makes people wonder if you've slaved in the kitchen over a hot stove for HOURS.  Let's let 'em think that, okay?  It's just easier that way.

Before I get started let me be clear...I'm not a measurin' kind of girl.  In baking, yes...cooking, not so much.  It's aaaalll about taste, you guys.  And tastes vary from person to person.  So feel free to adjust any and all ingredients and portions to your liking. 

Also...don't count on me for technical terms when it comes to meat.  Or pretty much anything.  (Points down to pictures)  These colorful snapshots are here for a reason.  So pay attention.  Are we good?

Today we are making Italian Beef...which is one of those "throw it all in a crockpot in the morning and go on with your day" kinda meals.  Crack open that bottle of wine (because it's ALWAYS 5 o'clock somewhere), paint your toes, do some shopping, catch up on some Housewives, hide from your kids, or the old standard...go to work.  Which for me entails tossing on my fanciest yoga pants and walking 5 feet from my kitchen to my office.  I've got a really sophisticated job, you guys. 

Here is what I think you might need...but you know...make it your own.  I've made it without onions or the fresh garlic cloves and it still turned out aMAHzing, so...

A Crock Pot
4-6 lbs Beef Roast  (I've combined two before...because my family can EAT.)
48 oz  Beef Broth (NOT stock...broth.  B-R-O-T-H)
Jar of Sweet Cherry Peppers
Jar of Pepperoncini
Onion (1/2 - 1 whole)
Garlic (2-5 cloves)
Italian Seasoning
Garlic Powder
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Worchesteshire Sauce
Salt
Black Pepper
6-8 White Bolillo Rolls
Any white sliced cheese (Provolone, Mozzarella, Havarti, Swiss)



You want to start with unwrapping the beef.  Take it out of the packaging and place on a large plate where you can salt and pepper all sides.  Let that sit and season while you throw the rest together in the pot.  (You're noticing my fancy plate aren't you.  Hang tight...there is more Corelle magic where that came from.  And don't go rushing your local Walmart for these.  I'm nearly positive they stopped making them 20 years ago.)


First to go in...the peppers.  THIS is what makes the beef ITALIAN.  Well that and the Italian seasoning.  But really...THIS.  Like I mentioned, you really can make this your own depending on how well you can handle spice.  You could be like The Domestic Goddess and prefer a 5 star spicey...OR you could be like the Gentleman and struggle with the spice level at Taco Bell.  It's a spectrum, you guys.  And we know spectrums. 
I digress. 

The peppers.  I typically go with one jar of sweet cherry peppers, juice and all.  Oh and lesson learned on my part...pluck the stems off these puppies BEFORE you cook.  I then add either one jar of pepperoncini (again, include the juice) or you could always go with the jar of pre-sliced banana peppers.  Whichever.

In a small separate bowl, combine a couple of hard shakes of Italian seasoning, about one solid shake of garlic powder and add olive oil until its a paste-y consistency.  The oil will help wake up the dried herbs a bit before adding it to the pot.  I know "shake" isn't a technical term...see warning above.  To be honest you can't add too much.  And if you find once it's done that it just isn't seasoned enough you can ALWAYS add more at the end.  In the meantime, let this sit a few minutes while you add the other ingredients.


Next come the onions.  My faves are Vidalia...they add an awesome sweetness to the beef.  They also add not-so-sweetness to your breath.  Your call.

Start by slicing off the ends then down the middle.  This makes it much easier to get that nasty super thin skin off...ya know...the stuff that if you try to peel off with your fingers, you end up with that little piece that just won't come off despite washing and you realize it's still there when you're getting ready for bed that night?  That. 

Once you get it peeled, turn each half flat side down and run the knife through both to get these nice narrow ribbons.  Again, you don't have to use an entire onion...or any onion at all.  That's how kick-ass this beef is. 


 Add your onion slices to the pot and sprinkle with salt and some cracked black pepper.  This gets the onions all excited and juicy while you move on to the love of my life.  Garlic. 



My favorite ingredient...and yet my least favorite to peel. The easiest way to do this is pop off a few cloves from the head...depending on how garlicky you prefer your beef.  With each clove, lay the flat side of you chopping knife on top and "punch" the top of the knife with your hand.  This cracks the peel making it MUCH easier to get off.  At this point you could either chop or dice the garlic...or if you're lazy like me, you just toss them in whole. 

I should note, you do not have to add fresh garlic since you've already added the garlic powder to the aforementioned Italian seasoning paste.  Not everyone is a huge fan.  But quite frankly, making Italian Beef without fresh garlic...well, that's just blasphemy. 

 

Now that you have your peppers, onions and garlic in the pot, it's time to add the beef broth.  I mentioned before to stick with broth, not stock.  Don't expect a technical answer as to why they are different but they are...and the broth tastes better, so.   Also...feel free to add a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce.  Say THAT three times fast.

Seriously.  Do it.

In all seriousness, Worcestershire is not required but I struggle to find a beef dish that doesn't taste better with a touch of this brown magic.


 Once all the liquid has been added, you can spoon in the Italian seasoning paste-ish concoction, followed by the beef.  Make sure the liquid juuuuust covers the meat.  If it doesn't, feel free to add water or hey, if you have any extra beef broth sitting in your fridge that ISN'T past expiration...just add that. 


Cover your crockpot and cook on low for 6-8 hours.  It rarely takes 8 hours to be done, but to be honest, I don't know if it's possible to overdo this meat...within reason.  If you can't get back to it for 9 or so hours, don't panic.  You'll probably be able to just shred it right there in the pot if it hasn't already fallen apart on it's own.  Otherwise, pull it out on a plate and shred with two forks.  Place the shreds back into the crockpot with the broth.  This is when the onions and peppers and seasonings can really work their magic.


While the shredded beef is gettin' all cozy with the juice of the Gods, it's time to get the bread ready. 
As I mentioned, I always go with the white bolillo rolls.  It's not an exact science, completely up to you.  BUT...there is an airy crispness that goes with these particular rolls that is out of this world.  They hold up to the au jus but melt in your mouth.  Slice them open and lay them on a baking sheet, open side up.  See that there foil?  Again with the laziness.  And I'm okay with that. 
I always add cheese to my sammies but it's not required.  Seems a travesty to serve such beefy deliciousness without the melty goodness, but that's just me.  I like to grab an assortment because my crew tends to have varying tastes.  You could go with provolone or mozzarella...I prefer to use both.  OR you could always go with swiss or Havarti.  I've not met a cheese I haven't liked. 
Scratch that.  There was that cheese at BlogHer.    Moving on...


Turn on your broiler and let it heat up.  Pop those rolls under the broiler just until they start to brown.  Please...and I do mean PLEASE keep an eye on this. With white bread in particular this can go really wrong, really fast.  No one wants burned buns.  No. One. 

Once they are browned add one whole slice of cheese...one should cover the bun, depending on size. 


No need to pop the cheese back under the broiler...the beef will melt it for you.  If you choose...and why wouldn't you (please don't disappoint me)...place another half or full slice on top of the beef.  THEN pop it briefly back under the broiler just until the cheese is melty.  Again...please watch closely as to not burn the edges of the bread.  Unless you like that sort of thing...and then, well...go on with your bad self.


If you're like me, you would be totally okay with an extra little kick to go with your sandwich.  This is where giardiniera comes in.  (Cue the opening of the heavens and singing angels.)  My favorite way to eat veggies.  If you've never bought it, you can typically find it by the jar right where you found the peppers...usually in the pickle/olive aisle of the grocery store.  It's a combo of cauliflower, carrots, pepperoncini, celery, and red peppers all with an amazing spicey, vinegary kick.  Either chop it up and use it as a sandwich topping...or just eat them whole as a side item.  Great either way.

Also...I would be remiss if I didn't advise that it is in fact against the law to eat this sandwich without a bowl of au jus nearby.  Just so ya know.

Grab a napkin or ten and eat up!




INGREDIENTS
A Crock Pot
4-6 lbs Beef Roast  (I've combined two before...because my family can EAT.)
48 oz  Beef Broth (NOT stock...broth.  B-R-O-T-H)
Jar of Sweet Cherry Peppers
Jar of Pepperoncini
Onion (1/2 - 1 whole)
Garlic (2-5 cloves)
Italian Seasoning
Garlic Powder
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Worchesteshire Sauce
Salt
Black Pepper
6-8 White Bolillo Rolls
Any white sliced cheese (Provolone, Mozzarella, Havarti, Swiss)